New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
