someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Randomize