I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
