I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
