Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
