I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
