3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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