i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
