you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My pussy is not your playground.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
