Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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