i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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