We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
