Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
