i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
