i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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