Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
