How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
whose parrot is this?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
