it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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