Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
