forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
