i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
