walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
