Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
