but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
