Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
