I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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