Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
