Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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