its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
