and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
