hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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