it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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