Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
