oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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