i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
