Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
