There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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