I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
