i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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