I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
