Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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