She bit a glass in half.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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