Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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