and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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