It was confusing and full of hummus
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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