sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
