so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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