i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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