i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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