After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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