i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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