they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
