we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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