"it" just moved
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Alive.
So much puke
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
