Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
