Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
