my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
