textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
