I love black thongs
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
