im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do vagina's smell?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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