he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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