woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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