At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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