We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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