no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
