You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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