woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
