Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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