Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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