im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
