I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
