New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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