I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
