At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
