i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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