Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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