Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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