When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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