never play flip cup with pint glasses
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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