:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Someone came in the potted fern
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
